Screwing the Rules – Faking It
Admit it…You’ve faked it!
It’s time to take responsibility. The fact that you aren’t “getting there” isn’t necessarily his fault. Sure, he may be trying a certain technique on you that worked on someone else…and it doesn’t work on you. We are each built slightly differently; we have different experiences and different preferences. Styles don’t always mesh up. But still, it’s time for you to take control of your pleasure…by letting go. Here are four things that you can do to make sex more orgasmic:
So what if you moan, sweat, or even queef on occasion (thanks to air being pressed inside of you, especially during doggystyle) — it’s natural! Sex is about enjoying yourself, so let go and enjoy it — no judgment. I find that it’s often the chicks who are very uptight in other areas, too (like food, fitness, work, etc.), who tend to be stress cases who have a hard time enjoying sex. Why? Because they can’t relax with sex, either. Stop being so hard on yourself. Make the decision to let go and feel good. It is a decision, you know. Sometimes I feel myself holding back. And then I have to say, “Laurel, relax…let this feel good.” And it does, and suddenly…
Stop Being So Insecure
Little-known secret: One of the ways to automatically be “good in bed” is to be more open to different positions and just have fun with the whole thing. Allow yourself to enjoy it, even if the position isn’t flattering. So what if your butt looks big and he is squeezing your thighs (which surely are now exposing cellulite) in doggystyle position, or if you just know that his fingers are in the folds of your side fat when you are sideways, or if your boobs look flat when you’re on your back. He is enjoying the feeling of your skin all over him! Stop being so hyper self-critical and enjoy it. Be confident. Now that is sexy.
Don’t be a dead fish. Get into it. Even if a particular position isn’t going to get you there, have fun and enjoy it. It’s like a roller coaster ride: Some people love the drops, others the upside down, still others the fast straightaways, but the whole thing can be fun. You’re not sitting there on a roller coaster refusing to enjoy it unless it’s your favorite part, are you? It’s a pretty commonly said thing that “hot chicks” don’t feel like they have to work at it in bed, so they are bad lays, while not-so-hot chicks are great in bed because they are trying to compensate. Same goes for hot guys. Chicks and dudes, hot or not…work at it! Whether you’re going down, on top, on bottom, or twisted up — move, moan, put your head and energy into it, and you both will benefit!
Communicating your likes, dislikes, fantasies, what feels good, what you want them to do, what you are open to trying, what you don’t like that much, your favorite position, where and how to move…talk about it! I’m not saying to lecture or give a speech. But talk. Have a fun back-and-forth conversation about sex. Don’t be insecure or nervous about it. If you’re old enough and mature enough to have sex, you should be old enough and mature enough to talk about sex, too. If he can’t get you to orgasm, help him! In the midst of it you can guide him a little, give him “I like it when…” direction or “I want you to f**k me like this.” Don’t be pushy. Don’t be insulting. But help guide him.
Even if you do all of that and it’s still not happening this time…that’s OK. It doesn’t mean that it wasn’t an amazingly intimate experience. That seems to be the disconnect: Women often fake it because we don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings. But it shouldn’t be about bruising his ego or hurting his feelings. The goal shouldn’t necessarily be to orgasm. Instead, it’s to have that deep connection, have fun, be vulnerable, and feel good — climax or not.
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